Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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