yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You made out with two different species that night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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