the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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