i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
