Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
