Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
