Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
