another moral hangover. fuck.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
