sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
