you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
