just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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