every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
