I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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