you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
