just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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