There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
