fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
