I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
