I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
