I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
