The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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