dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
