I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize