we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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