Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
