She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
