why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize