Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
