I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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