All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
