I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
