On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
