im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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