i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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