Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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