i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
