Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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