Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My penis needs a shock collar
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
