whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
