the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
