You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
