I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You need a sexual gate keeper
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
