Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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