Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
