hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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