I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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