Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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