I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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