i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
