So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
