The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
