did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
