Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
