I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize