I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
