Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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