im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
