I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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