yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
