My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
