if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize