omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize