I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
