She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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