took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
