i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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