addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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