Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
