Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
