My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She needs sedatives and a leash
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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