I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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