im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
