Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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