Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
