How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
