This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
