im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
