i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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