I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
