I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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