Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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