oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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