my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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