i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
