I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize