I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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